Unexpected Expectation

Too much expectations will lead you much disappointment. Yes it is true. I have considered those words since a long time ago, and just now i fell into it so deep. I am not asking God, i am not begging Him. I am asking to my self. Whats wrong with me? In my life i learn not to have too many wish lists, usually i make it just at the end of the year, or on my birthday. But not is not a hundred line “i wish…” sentences. And yes i am not that greedy.

But for this time, this few days ago. I got one little unexpected expectation. Not a big expectation in a long lists, it was a simple one, but to me it is everything. I know though that unexpected thing maybe the best one from God, but all of you wont surely know how it really feels until you face it. So much hurts! Noo no i am not being ungrateful for what i’ve got, i am totally grateful (grateful was the first thing that came to my mind at that time).  I just feel that life a bit unfair to me now.

If we talk about luck, everybody has the same portion. Not less not more. But is that word come out without any hard work? No i guess, they are 2 part not separable.  And i have done the second part, i did my best. I didn’t want to be fail again so since the beginning i said to my self, this is your turn to turn back your wheel up! And now the chance has passed away from me.

I don’t care what universe give to around me, all i know this time my patience a bit labile. Sorry God, but i am not that strong. Then what should i do? Crying? I did! Shouting? I did (in my heart). Killing myself? No i wont. I still want to live longer. You know i  just want to prove it to You that i don’t wanna be your naughty daughter God, even i made so many unforgivable. You always forgive me, give me your “yes” answer. Is this time my wheel still have to stay down longer? If yes then make my way on it safe. Make me strong please.

You know God? You are still the best though.  Best friend ever. I am sorry for being childish today, forgive me ok?  *hand shake



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June 2010
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